The Name is Not the Only Change…

I have been married for over three months now and I have finally gotten my name changed on about half of the things that need to be changed.  This name change stuff is exhausting.  I swore I would never change it again after I went back to my maiden name in 2009.

But here I am.  With a new last name.

Always-remember-there-was-nothing-worth-sharing-like-the-love-that-let-us-share-our-name

After my divorce, I wanted to change back to my maiden name but my kids didn’t support it.  So for five years I kept my married last name when my maiden name would have probably helped my success in business in my hometown.  Once I got into law school, I approached my kids again about changing my name.  My ex-husband had remarried so I told my kids, “There is a Mrs. Ramsey now… and it is not me.”  At that point, they agreed to the change and I went through the laborious process of changing my name on everything.  I even had to throw out my monogrammed bags and towels.

Now, over three months after getting married, I am still struggling with saying my new last name.  I actually have to pause and think when I sign my name.  I guess the fluid signature will come someday – until then I have a stutter in my signature.

The name change is not the only thing I am having to get used to.  We have been without children since last Friday night so we have taken advantage of many date nights since then.  Monday night we decided to meet for dinner and drinks after Joe’s softball game.  I got to the restaurant before him and got seated.  The waiter asked who I was waiting for and I said, “Joe…… well, my husband.”  It was an awkward moment because I am just not used to saying “my husband.”  The funny part about it was that when Joe got there he laughed and told me, “It was funny saying I was meeting my wife.  I still can’t believe it.”

Talking about the kids has also become more challenging.  I have four kids now.   It is no longer “Joe’s kids” and “my kids” – they are “our kids.”  I am making a true effort to get this straight because it’s important to both Joe and me that we are no longer “us” and “them.”   It’s “we” now.

I can’t believe it either.  I can’t believe how blessed we are to have this new amazing party of six.  I can’t believe that for the first time in my life (other than my parents, of course) I have someone who wants to take care of me.  Someone who wakes up in the morning and wants to get me coffee, offers to iron anything for me to wear to work, and cooks us breakfast.  He is a caretaker and it is the most comforting feeling in the world to know that I am no longer alone.

I cried a few nights ago watching one of my new guilty pleasures, Tyler Perry’s The Haves and the Have Nots.  The matriarch of the Haves has cancer and was talking about being alone.  I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness for her because I have been there.  I remember the hopeless feeling of worrying if something happened to me while my kids were gone then no one would know for days on end.  I know how bad alone can feel when you don’t want to be there.

With all that being said, it has been an amazing three months.  I cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together and I cannot wait to have a whole house of grandkids around (not anytime soon, of course).  It’s still shocking to believe that I now share the name of the guy who dated my best friend in high school.  I would have never believed this 23 years ago, but I am so thankful that God has brought us back together.

While it may be tough getting my name changed on everything, I am proud of my new last name and am so thankful for the man who gave it to me.

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One thought on “The Name is Not the Only Change…

  1. I can so relate to this post! I also kept my ex-husband’s last name after my divorce for the sake of the kids, so when I took on my new husband’s name I was thrilled to shed that remembrance of a marriage that ended so poorly, but it was also strange to adopt yet another new last name. I can’t believe I’ve had three different last names in my life, but isn’t it great to share a name with the man you love?

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