Christmas Food Is Trying To Kill Me…

I hate to say it, but I am ready for the commercialism of Christmas to be over.  While I would love the Spirit of Christmas to remain all year long, I am tired of the rest of the celebration.  And yes, that includes the food.  Especially the food.  Yeah, primarily the food.


Quail platter from one of our office parties…

I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas food is trying to kill me.

At my office, we have what we call “The 12 Days of Christmas.”  For the 12 business days leading up to Christmas, a different group of employees plans and brings a full meal for the office.  So what that means is for the past almost three weeks of work, I have eaten a full buffet meal in my office. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  And not only has it been a full buffet, but it’s an all day free-for-all with the leftovers sitting out all afternoon.  So every trip to the copy machine has become a reason to get another cookie or another piece of peppermint bark.


Cookies, cookies, and more cookies.

My clothes have shrunk a little bit and I have noticed that some sneaky elf must have moved my space heater further under my desk, because it’s a little more difficult than it used to be to lean down to turn it on and off. Weird.

And this noshing on anything and everything has carried over to be a 24/7 thing.  I was watching TV the other night in my living room at like 11pm and I thought, “I feel so full… what can I eat?”  IN THE SAME BREATH.  For weeks now I have even been waking up in the morning still full from the day before.  Then my next thought it, “I wonder what someone is bringing in to eat today?”

This lifestyle has GOT TO GIVE.  It’s either the food or me, but it’s going to be the end for one of us.  When I got home last night, I took one whiff of Joe’s chicken parm and had to go get in bed.  I have been so nauseated for the past two days and the only thing I can blame it on is the inordinate amount of food I have eaten over the past few weeks.  No one should live like this.

Every morning I have started my day with breakfast casseroles, biscuits, bagels, pastries, fancy coffee creamers and dozens of doughnuts.  You know that people always bring in too many Krispy Kreme doughnuts, so I end up eating doughnuts as snacks throughout the day.  Lunch has been an Italian feast, soups, Latin cooking, barbecue chicken, country cookin’, wings, sub sandwiches, and pretty much anything else that my co-workers feel like bringing from home.  By the time I got home everyday, I was absolutely uncomfortably full and would immediately start cooking dinner for my family.


Our Italian Feast

Now here I am three weeks later, having “taken to the bed” with a fever and terrible nausea.  While I am not a medical doctor in any way, shape or form, I am fairly certain that I have overdosed on food.  Yes, a self-diagnosed overdose on food.  As a result, I have eaten only a few saltine crackers in the past 30 hours.  Even the smell of food can cause a violent physical reaction.  I think I could probably starve myself for the next three weeks and my body could still live off the reserves of everything I have stored away already.

Sure, maybe it’s a stomach bug, but I am convinced it’s an OD of the good stuff.  The yumminess of Christmas is trying to do me in.  Christmas cookies are out to get me.  I’m stalked by pimento cheese and crackers.

Until I recover, I will enjoy the Christmas decorations and the gorgeous cards from our friends in the kitchen rather than the food.  But, I am already looking forward to when I feel well enough to let all the Christmas goodies abuse my system some more!




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