I’m Wearing Mascara Again

I’m sorry I haven’t posted a blog since February 28th.  Although everyone who knows me knows that I am annoyingly optimistic and cheerful, I have been struggling over the past couple of weeks with self doubt, a touch of heartache and a boatload of fear.  I’m not ready to share the details, but would appreciate whatever prayers and good vibes and happy thoughts that you can throw my way.

So many people keep telling me, “You need to give it over to God and let Him handle it.”  I don’t know about you, but that certainly sounds like the best way to handle any problem… but the true issue is HOW to give it over to Him.  How do I just say, “Here God… I’m not thinking about this anymore”?

Granted, throughout my life it seems that good things always come from the doors that have closed in my life.  After my divorce, I moved to Greenville where I quickly got a good job with Bank of America Mortgage (just by starting a conversation with a random stranger at the cell phone store).  That led me to a transition job with SunTrust Mortgage that bought me time while I applied to law schools.  Once I got into law school, the kids and I were able to move back to Raleigh where they could be closer to their dad.  Since law school tried to kill me, I left after three semesters and had a new job working with a political consultant less than a week later.  After a year, I was offered a position where I work now (which is where I briefly interned while in law school).   All of this brought me back to Raleigh and kept me here long enough to reconnect with Joe (who dated one of my friends in high school)… and now we have been blissfully married for ten months today.  As I have blogged about before, HAPPY BEGETS HAPPY BEGETS HAPPY.

Sure we have had our share of insignificant struggles, but none of those compare to the darkness I feel as though I am facing now.  Decisions must be made that affect much more than me and they have far-reaching consequences for which I don’t want to be responsible.  I have been praying incessantly and I have cried more than I would care to admit, but the fact of the matter is every single day I feel more at peace in my heart.  Every day I feel like things are going to be just fine.  Every day I feel more and more comfort in knowing that whichever way this goes, we are all going to be fine.

I guess that is God at work in me – giving me peace when I have none and giving me comfort when I doubt.  I am so thankful for all of my many blessings and I need to focus on that.  I have transcended before and can do it again.

On Saturday, I wore mascara for the first time in two weeks.  I explained that significance to a friend of mine by saying, “Wearing mascara proves that I have not cried today and, more importantly, it proves I started the day with no INTENT of crying.”

Baby steps.


9 thoughts on “I’m Wearing Mascara Again

  1. deweydecimalsbutler

    Wearing mascara is a step and a good milestone! Keep your chin up.

  2. Sending you prayers knowing that God is using you and hears all you are going through. I love your posting and have been following for a couple of months now.

    • Thank you so much. I truly know everything will be okay… and I will share more about this process when a decision has been made, because I know others can learn from what I am going through right now. I am committing to write again… STARTING TODAY!! 🙂

      GOD HAS A PLAN… so sometimes it’s hard to let His plan play out when it wasn’t quite what I had in mind. lol

  3. Going through trying times is never fun and can be all consuming…but looking back at the blessing once the storm has passed…just the best. God always gives us grace…we just have to wait for his perfect timing. Praying for you! Keep wearing the mascara 🙂

    • Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I am absolutely OVERWHELMED by the kind comments, emails, calls and texts I am getting. I feel so loved and it has reminded me just how much I do have to be thankful for!!!! I even received a text at 2:43am last night from a dear friend that merely said, “Philippians 4:6-7”. So I am sharing it with all of you….

      “Do not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

      BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! xoxoxo Val

  4. colleen tavolacci

    I am an instant brand new fan of your blog – so serendipitous that I ran across it today. My heart goes out to you in your journey. My own crazy blended family experience shares similar struggles and triumphs. I applaud your candor and humor and will keep you and your family in my prayers. It takes such balance, grace, faith, strength, and courage to be in your shoes. Your posts embody these qualities and I wish you all the best in the future.

    • Thank you so much for your kind post!!! I love that people read what I write and can relate. My goal is to help people who are going through similar things… and there are a whole ton of people going through things that I am going through or have gone through. I certainly haven’t always made the best decisions, but I have ALWAYS had the best intentions. I hope to post more soon!!

  5. […] never been more ready for the “BETTER” to arrive.  As you most likely read in my post, I’m Wearing Mascara Again, I have been dealing with some life changing situations that have been very difficult for me […]

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